Awkward
Question
23 NOV 08
At
some point or another, I’m sure you guys have experienced
being stuck in a difficult position when you are served with an
awkward question. From t he dreaded “when-are-you-gonna-get-married”
question you hear every festive relative get together, to the question
that can make any 6 year old Muslim boy cry… |
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Religious
Uncle: When are you gonna get circumcised?
EB: I don't wanna! |
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You
guys know what I’m talking about. But I learnt that some
questions are on a whole different level of awkwardness….
So awkward that it’s best to 1) change the topic 2) act
blur or 3) Start doing anything silly just to create a diversion.
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The
first awkward question that I have been asked TWICE is the common,
“How old am I?” I’m not talking about meeting
up with some strangers close to your age and then you guys play
this guess-my-age question just to break the ice… Nooo..
I’m talking about the middle age lady who is waging this
unholy war with wrinkles. I had the bad experience where my Aunt
brought her friend along with us to eat dinner. But in the middle
of me biting on a vegetable samosa, my Aunt told me to guess her
friend’s age. Crap!
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This
woman definitely spent some hardcore time in beauty salons cause
I see a lot of work on her mug. The lady has a black wig on
and I can see her lips all numb from the botox. Her face is
stretched till I can see veins.. I don’t think she can
raise an eyebrow.. or tattoo line or whatever she calls it.
I can be a big meanie and just say “You know what, you
can’t fool me. You look 50!” But the thought of
me being the cause of her unnatural death is not appealing at
all and I don’t think my aunt would appreciate that. So
now I gotta muster some TCS quality acting fast and without
blinking, I said…"You must be 25!"
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| Hey,
I lied through my teeth but at least I get to eat in peace and on
one goes home crying. The next awkward question is not really a
question.. it’s just awkward. I was out busking with a friend
of mine at Simei, drawing caricatures on the street when a certain
Makcik came with her baby in a stroller. She wants a drawing of
her baby done so she passed me the $3 bucks. Honestly back then
I’ll draw anything for a dollar. Heck, I’ll draw you
a freaking manga robot and color it with crayons if you can give
me a packet of nasi lemak.. Yes, evil bunny and his sad yesteryears.
So
the Mother Makcik pushed her stroller closer and as I began to
doodle, I start to shoot the shit a little bit and compliment
her baby... |
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immediately she got into a severe Makcik rage and retorted that
her baby is a GIRL! How the heck do I know it’s a girl?! For
crying out loud, stick some pink bows on her hair, smudge some lipstick
on her lips, stick on some fake lashes or something. How the heck
can I tell when you dress her up with just a t shirt, shorts and
wolly mittens and socks?! So lesson learnt. Never be friendly with
makciks, whose babies clothes do not reflect their gender convincingly. |
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next one is a question I vow never to ask any Singaporean male in
their 20s is… |
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99% all of them are gonna be UNEMPLOYED. I was just trying to break
the ice but suddenly everybody got into this silent hopelessness.
I felt so bad at bringing the subject up. I mean I totally understand..
if you live in a country where you can meet one unemployed guy while
the majority of his friends are working, then it’s his personal
problem.. BUT if you can actually sit with 8 guys and almost all
of them are jobless, then it’s a national-government-type-of-problem.
I mean I don’t blame them; the rest of my years after NS was
job hopping from one bad graphic design job to another and, after
that I was jobless for 1 whole solid year (doing freelance projects
that earn measly.) I wanna elaborate on this unemployment problem
but I think I’ll save it for next time.
So there you have it,
always lie if a 50 year old lady ask you to guess her age, check
before you compliment an infant and avoid the job question at
all cost and replace it with…
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Sibeh
low morale,
Evil Bunny
PS: Like EB, I know
some Happeepill readers are sensitive. The remark about tattoo
lined eyebrows is for humor purposes. I do believe that tattooed
eyebrows can look great if done by a professional with magic markers.
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