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Pets
: Mice
21 SEPT 07
I
gotta admit that I am not a good pet owner. Whatever the bird, goldfish,
terrapins, cat, rabbit that was under my care would soon die belly
up, escape from its cage, released to the “wild” etc.
So whenever I walk past a pet shop and stare at them exotic cute
animals, I would always have to restrain myself from buying them.
However there is one particular pet that thrived when I kept them..
I am talking about mice. Yup.
I went to the pet store with my Dad and wanted to get one of the
“Snowball Syrian White Dove” gerbil which cost around
$35 but ended up with a $5 “Domestic Common Mouse”
instead. We bought a pair of mice because we don’t want
it to get lonely.. everybody needs a companion in life.. even
mice. |
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first thing I notice about mice is that it is easy to tell their
gender. The female mouse looks like any ordinary mouse but the male
one comes with HUGE balls. I’m sorry I don’t know of
any way to write it.. I don’t mean to be crude but it’s
true.. okay maybe I should rephrase that to LARGE testicles instead.
Them testes are so big that the male mouse have to practically drag
their balls whenever they crawl. No wonder they cost $5. The Snowball
Syrian gerbils have their privates all tucked nicely in velvet white
fur.. these mice have theirs for all to see. |
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But
it was fun to have them around and watch them grab a single corn
seed with their hands as if it’s a loaf of bread. And boy
do they get crazy with the treadmill thingy. They would run miles
on that thing especially at night as if they were training for
some marathon. Their pee is not as stinky as hamster acid pee
so it wasn’t that bad. But they have no housekeeping instincts
whatsoever. There was poop all over the place, even in their plastic
house. They were staying in the house rent free.. the least they
can do is keep the place free of poop.
Oh well.. soon I
realized what the big balls were for.. The male mouse has been
bestowed with this ferocious appetite for sex ALL THE TIME.
Yup. He would hump the female mouse whenever he get the chance.
She would just be strolling on the wood chip bedding, minding
her mouse business then suddenly the male would come on top
of her. There was totally no dinner-date routine, no ritual
mouse dance like them tropical birds, no assets to flaunt (except
for them balls) .. He will just hump her while she eats, naps,
day dream… But fortunately, the female doesn’t seem
to mind… But they could at least exercise some modesty
and do it in the cardboard tubes I specifically prepared for
them. But no, these depraved mice likes to demonstrate their
kamasutra skills in the open. Maybe they were just kinky that
way.
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If
they can train flies to balance a ball, I can train my mice
to have some modesty..... But I failed:(
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But
soon, taking care of them was getting to be a chore. They poop
practically all the time and I was sick of cleaning their tank
every other day. Like Happeepill updates, I decided to have
a “when needed” policy. Instead of throwing old
wood chips out of the tank, I would just add fresh ones on top
and soon my mice was burrowing through wood chips.. They don’t
seem to mind.. In fact they looked happier.
Unfortunately,
like all unprotected sex, babies were inevitable. These mice
really have some family planning issues. If they sold mouse
condoms in the Pet store, I would buy them. Initially, it was
nice to see cute little children mice crawling with their parents,
but soon to my horror, they succumb to incest! The son was screwing..
no need for vivid details ah.. cause I know some sick people
out there gets off on mouse porn. I asked my Dad why mouse are
deprave like that and he told that’s what animals do.
Hmmm...
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Now
everyday was like a freaking mice sex fest. I will be busy doing
school work, watching TV, drawing and all I can see is mouse orgies.
And from the small tank, my Dad have to upgrade to a HDB standard
mouse cage 2-storey massionette with a good view and amenities
to accommodate the growing population. All sorts of birth-control-stop-at-2
policies fell into deaf ears. They treated me like some Bangladeshi
worker in charge of removing poop and filling up their mixed nuts
tray. |
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But
the straw that broke the landlord’s back is when, one day,
I was cleaning their filthy cage and getting rid of the wood chips
when I found, small, still pink, fresh-from-the-womb, hairless
mouse babies.. There must be a dozen of them.. Since I am against
infanticide, I have to pick them up (using a newspaper cause I
was too petrified to touch them.) and place them back in the cage.
Now from 2 mice I have now an army of 18.. So like the Pied Piper,
I brought them mice back to the Pet store. The shop uncle was
more than happy to accept more stock.
Eat
and screw,
Evil Bunny
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