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The
Perfect Crime
26 MAR 07
The
most vivid memory of my primary school days was when I was caught
stealing. Yes, Evil Bunny was a crook. He was the mastermind of
an elaborate syndicate that involved a network of other thieves
that embezzled millions from the class fund. I remembered it clearly.
It was some primary school at Toa Payoh and we were the Mafia. I,
was the Godfather. Actually.. when I say network, I'm talking about
2 primary school students and when I say embezzled millions, I meant
I stole a bunch of books. |
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Ever since I was issued with the school’s
library card, I spent most of my recess time there. Although
I was starving, I was totally immersed with the wide selection
of Art books that my school library have in their collection.
“Step-by-step guide to building your own cardboard aeroplane.”
How the heck can an 8 year old resist a manual to build his
own plane made out of cardboard? I was hooked instantly.
It
became an obsession. I spent A LOT of my recess time sitting
and going through all the art and craft books but unfortunately
I can only borrow 3 at a time. I remembered a friend of mine
back then complimented that I was a “good student”
because I spent time in the library instead of getting dirty
in the field playing soccer. I smiled because he doesn’t
know that my tiny 8 year old evil brain has already started
to tick.
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I
realized that there must have been a better way than borrowing
only 3 books and be starving all the time during recess. So
I decided to lay one big mahjong paper and pick up a crayon
and started to hatch a plan. I was like a professional thief
trying to crack the POSB bank.. And in my case this bank carries
lots of Art books which will soon be mine. Bwahaha. It took
weeks for me to perfect the plan and until one day, it's all
set.
Step
1: Infiltrate
the library by being a librarian.
Step 2: Appear to be passionate
about all books even boring books from Nancy Drew.
Step 3: Once you are a librarian,
you will have all access to sensitive “book cards”.
I realized that these cards are the soul to the books. Every
book has an allocated book card. If you can effectively destroy
a card, the library will have no record of the book. The book
will simply “vanish…” Yes, I know. It’s
a brilliant plan. Pure genius.
Passing
the lame library test was easy. I was any ordinary librarian.
I controlled myself not to be so *kilat and not to try to be
nominated Librarian of the Month. (The shiny badge that was
up for grabs was VERY tempting.) I gotta stay low and not attract
any attention. I came up with a blur character and soon other
kids was calling me “the blur librarian that drools”.
But I got the last laugh cause art books went missing like nobody’s
business. As soon as the school replenishes their art books,
by the next week it was all gone. Teachers were bewildered,
heck even the cleaner auntie can’t sleep right at night.
*kilat:
A word that means shine in Malay. It means that you are efficient
and hardworking. Also used in the military.
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Nobody
takes notice of a drooling bunny. |
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My
scheme started to grow. I told my bestfriend Sam about it and
he was now my partner in crime. We stole art books and books on
motorbikes. Soon the word spread among students that there was
an underground movement going on. It's called the “Missing
Knowledge” and our slogan was “Why buy, when you can
have.” Yup, that’s right, just like Napster. Bookworms
became my loyal followers. I have a truckload of them at my disposal.
They would come up to me, tell me about a particular book that
they wanted but got no money to buy and they were willing to give
anything for it.
They
were worst than drug addicts. You don’t want to see a
bookworm when he gets his hands on the latest edition of the
Chocolate Factory from Roald Dahl. It’s not a pretty sight.
I took favours and I rejected some. And slowly I realized that
these bookworms finally graduated into prefects. And what happens
if you have control of prefects? That’s right, I have
the school by the balls.
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Soon
I got tired of my shady ways. I had my fill of arts and crafts.
I have mastered how to make my own airplane, tank and helicopter.
I can make anything for you if you give me enough cardboard, a
sharp cutter and plenty of room. Besides, bookworms can be sooo
annoying. I told Sam and we both stopped everything. No more underground
weekly meetings, no more schemes. And the movement fizzled out
as fast as it emerged.
But “Sepandai-pandai
tupai melompat, ahkirnya jatuh ke tanah juga.” (English
translation, it means, " As clever as the squirrel hops,
it will one day, eat dirt.) What the proverd is indirectly trying
to say:, “no matter how slick you think you are, you gonna
get caught with your pants down one day.” And got caught
I did. My name was called up and I was hauled to this teacher
who was in charge of the library. She was on my case from day
one and finally she got a lead. It so happened that some bookworm
think that he can do what I did and he decided to start the
movement going by stealing books on his own. Of course he got
caught and of course he ratted out on me! Soon, Sam was called
too and parents were in the mix.
I remembered having
a pep talk from Sam who was 1 year older than me. He told me
to deny everything and that he would say the same. He told me
not too crack. But he didn’t know I cracked easily.
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So
to make the whole grandmother story short, I was made to return
all books and pay the rest that was missing. (Can you believe
it, I stole books and I lost them too.) They wanted to gave me
the cane but they saw I was too distraught about the whole ordeal
so they scrapped the idea. My Mum on the other hand didn’t
think so. |
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*You
like to steal books eh? The books I bought aren't
enough for you? You watch out! Don't run!
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Will YOU rat out on me?,
Evil Bunny
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