I
got an email from a guy who wanted to win the heart of a minah sometime
back and he wanted some advice from me. I wrote an article about
“How to nab yourself a nice guy” for them nice girls
out there so I guess its only fair if I write something for them
nice guys.
But
first and foremost, I gotta tell you that I’m not the best
person to consult in issues like these cause I am no expert at
winning the heart of a girl. I don’t have a string of girlfriends
nor am I able to acquire a string of girlfriends even if I try.
However, I do have some experiences to share and maybe you can
relate. And always remember that ALL my posts should never be
taken seriously:)
Okay
let us start. I know how it feels to be lonely and I was lonely
for a loooong ass time. When my friends were having girlfriends
and break ups, I'm the only guy without any of that. (Where were
you oh friendster minahs?) And I can never forget how frustrating
and brutal this “dating game" can be. So, I try to
remind myself never to take fulfilling relationships for granted.
Get
back to work, Evil Bunny. Get back to work.
Calling
Mr Personalities!
I know of this guy once who is blessed with good looks. He reminded
me of the Pied Piper and his mice.. whenever he goes, the mice will
follow… and in this case, the mice are girls of all races.
He doesn’t need nice clothes to compliment his looks, heck
he can be wearing a gunny sack and still girls will swarm to him
like bees to honey. And since he is natural mesomorph, he gained
muscle fast and with ease and have a greek-statue like physique.
(No emailing me for his name and number please.)
He
even confessed to me on how easy he could pick up girls for one
night stands. For me, I can barely say hi to a girl without stuttering.
I don’t know where he is now while I type this, but most
probably he’s cozy in bed with yet another girl imparting
his kamastura skills. But the only thing I disliked about him
was when he keep mentioning to girls he met that he was a virgin.
So
this article is not meant for guys like him. This guy does not
have a clue how frustrating it is to get rejected by a girl. EVER!
His rules of dating is completely different from us average joes,
mats , bengs and the likes. He’s dating manual describes
which cheap hotel to go to and where is the nearest abortion clinic.
For the rest of us, our manual covers anxiety attacks, dealing
with utter humiliation and to consider match-making as the last
resort.
This article is targeted
towards guys you won't notice in a crowd. They are your "Mr
Personalities". I was “complimented” by some
girl way back saying that I had personality. And everbody knows
what that means…
Even
though the message is brutal,
I must admit the tune is pretty catchy.
Rules
of the game
Before I blab on, let me explain quickly on how this game is played
for both guys and girls. To be honest guys, the girl is the one
that gives you the chance. She decides who is worthy to enter
her sacred wonderland. However hard you may try; a million roses
you buy, numerous 1 million pieces puzzle you try to impress her,
if she doesnt like you, its game over even before the game starts.
Stop your pursuing. Drop that origami cranes and love paper hearts
in a jar.
But
what if you want to be “persistant”.. you tell yourself
you never gonna give give up and you FORCE YOUR LOVE on her.
Theres another term people use when guys force themselves on
a girl; its called rape.
I've know so many guys who actually took time to make these
to win the heart of a girl. 100 paper stars in a jar.
If only we have a mating dance, there will be less heartache.
However,
the game has a slight twist to it! And I'm happee (check out the
spelling of happee, very matching with the website right? Haha),
that this twist exists. For without it, more tears will flow down
my furry cheeks. You see, even though, the girl is the one that
gives you the ultimate permission to whether you have the chance
or not, you the guy, are given the liberty to choose the girl that
you want to pursue. Nice. Fair right?
Girls
don’t get that chance because girls does not like and don’t
want to make the first move. If you guys are still blur on what
Im trying to say, check out the drawing below.
The rules of the game.. explained in pokemon-like trading cards.
It can't get any clearer than this!
Another
thing that I like to add, is that guys and girl have totally different
priorities when choosing their future mate. I know a lot of you
girls find this hard to swallow, but guys are visual creatures.
They see visual attraction first. If they don’t like what
they see, they go somewhere else. Yes, the word to use is we are
SHALLOW. If you understand this concept and accept it and stop defying
and denying it, you will eventually understand guys better in general.
But wait a minute, don’t go ditch your clothes and go shopping
for halter tops that show cleavage and such. Wearing such stuff
brings lots of attention… but only the wrong kind of attention.
I read in a magazine
article that this visual attraction is ingrain in the man. When
he sees a woman with wide hips and ample bosom, his man brain
tells him that that woman is fit for child bearing.
However, women on the
other hand doesn’t seem to mind if her guy looks like an
insect. If the guy treats her right and he's a genuine nice guy
(or hes a hypocrite and good with his words), the girl can show
off her praying mantis to her friends and say proudly “This
is my man! Now back off!” That explains some disgusting
looking guys you see having cute girlfriends walking along Orchard
Road.
We all have witness it.
Gorgeous looking girls with not so good looking guyfriends.
Guys like these give millions of Mr Personalities hope:)
Before
we go on further, let me share with you with some humiliating
pittfalls that below average looking guys gotta go through. Yes,
lauging at other people misery is always quality entertainment.
Case
scenario 1:
I liked this gorgeous girl once at school and never had the chance
to talk to her then one day, due to some cosmic miracle of fate,
I found myself in a school lift with her. It's just me and her
so it’s the perfect time to strike a conversation.
I draw wings on her because she looks like an angel. Hahaha
My
brain can't function, I was too mesmerized with her looks that
my tougue tied itself a reef knot. Minutes passed and yes, we
reach the ground floor without me saying nothing. I nearly crap
in my pants because of the anxiety. And to add sodium chloride
to a blistering laceration, I tried one last attempt. Maybe I
could walk with her close enough to say hi BUT, MY FREAKING HAVERSACK
got lodge on a metal pole! ( I was leaning against it you see.)
She
walked on and I was left tryin to wrestle with my bag. The lift
door shuts and I went back up…. Kwa Kwa Kwaaaa…….
One
of those things that I can never forget.
Now
that was painful. Want another one? You guys are sadists!
This happens to a friend of mine. He said
he saw a girl working at some stall selling breakfast munchies
in a neighbourhood mall that gave him eye contact and he felt
a good vibe. My friend is no James Dean but I guess this might
be his chance. He wants me to accompany him one day for support
cause he's gonna make the ultimate shy, nice guy kamikaze- he
wants to give the girl his number written on a piece of paper
that he wrote with his best handwriting.
I gave him a pep talk like a coach psyking
a boxer before a match. He was ready. Its just passing a piece
of paper.. how bad can it get? The moment of truth came…
He hands the paper to the girl and said "This is for you."
Im hiding behind a pillar. Then seconds turned into humilating
minutes. The girl REFUSED TO TAKE THE PAPER and left my friend
hanging. I can see cobwebs form. The staff was looking at him
weird. Even though I was behind the pillar, I can feel the pain.
Jabbing an ice pick through his heart and dumping it into 2 slices
of kaya bread will be better than this.
The
"crunch" is the sound of my friend's heart breaking.
My
friend gave a sigh of disappointment and place the paper in his
pocket and walk towards me. The nightmare doesn't ends there. We
rode back home on his bike. Man, I thought that was goin to be my
last ride because he was riding like the Ghost Rider. With fists
full of throttle, he swerve and cut lanes like as if he was the
only one on the road. Check blindspots before turning? He was BLIND
to blindspots! Clearly he was pissed and depressed. I tap on his
shouder to calm him down.
Then
he composed himself and ride slower until we reached my voiddeck.
He didn’t say much but I can see his eyes was red. He was
crying throughout the reckless journey. What is the moral of the
story? Never ride a freakin Super Four with a broken-hearted man.
That and, ladies, if a guy hands you a freaking paper, just take
it and if you don’t like the guy just throw the damn paper
away when he leaves. Your irresponsible actions not only caused
humilation, it can also endanger lives of motorists.
Mr. Personalities don’t
have it easy.
I think I gotta split
this article into 2 parts. Sometimes I wonder why I have to blab
this long? I’ll get to the tips on how to nab a girl next
week. Exercise patience please!
Girls make us do silly
things,
Evil Bunny
Check out this video from Radiohead.
An unofficial anthem for shy nice guys!
