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Fashion
Police
16 APR 07
I
am the sort of person you can label as “fashionably challenged”.
Although I like to consider myself as art inclined, my “creative”
brain stops short at matching colors on clothes, conforming to proven
fashion styles, acquiring accessories that compliment etc. I have
caught myself buying apparel that seemed to be a great idea at the
shopping mall but after a second look at home in front of the mirror,
it goes in the closet never to be seen the light of day again. .
"No refund, no return" policy sucks. But
I wanna share with you the little fashion oddities that I have
observed throughout the years. Let us start from primary school.
Back then I noticed the cool kids have a certain kind of dressing
that made them stick out from the rest of us. And the weird part
is that this fashion dress code was prevalent throughout all schools,
not just mine. So what's the dress code? Aerobic socks. Yup, I
wore single white 100% cotton socks. One for each foot. And over
time in between recess and Science class, my socks will go uneven.
So it looked pretty weird or at least uncool. |
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cool kids wore thick long socks. They didn’t stretch the socks
all the way, that would look like a retarded panty hose. What they
did was they let it crinkle near the ankles. If you don’t
have thick socks, no problem, some kids wore 3 socks on each foot
just to get that thick look. Nevermind if we live near the equator
and your foot will smell like cow dung at the end of the day. What
matter is you look cool. Do I sound like I’m kidding? Trust
me, I’m not.
Just when you thought
it ends there, I started to notice that these cool kids have came
up with another fashion accessory. Next in line was handkerchiefs.
No, not those disgusting hanky the kids with a sinus infection
use. (I pity that kid, he has this eternal flu that just won't
go away.) And not the brown one that old uncles use.. these hanky
have nice designs on it. The ones that Tupac would wear on his
head. If I can still recall, it came in 3 colors; Yellow, Black
and the popular one, Red. But the fashion point is not to just
own the handkerchief, you gotta fold it nicely and place the red
hanky behind your back pocket. However you have to let a huge
piece dangle like a tail. Bear in mind that we kids already have
those Ultraman or Doremon velcro wallets. (FYI, back then, Mee
Rebus at the canteen stall cost 40 cents so if you have dollar
in your wallet, you are practically Donald Trump.)
What
I'm tryin to say is that with your wallet and hanky squeezed together
in that small back pocket, it looked as if the seams are gonna
explode at any second, but that was the rave. I wanted to get
one of those hanky but I realised that they were protective of
their suppliers and besides I didn’t have the basic aerobic
socks- the holy grail of primary school fashion. So you can't
actually bend the rules that way. No socks, no hanky! Damn!
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Everybody
got one except me:( |
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This
is what the hanky looked like. Children of the 80s...
does this bring memories or what! |
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The
last piece of fashion phenomenon that emerged before I went
to secondary school was Umbro brand haversacks. Every kid wanted
an Umbro bag. And the rule was to loosen the straps so much
that bag would dangle all the way to your ass. You must not
pull the strap close to your neck- that would be fashion suicide.
For your info, after much persisting, I did get myself an umbro
bag. At least, I didn’t get teased and it felt good. So
parents when your kids want a certain Hello Kitty pencil case,
he's just trying to conform to the school underground dress
code and not be the class' fashion idiot:)
Secondary
school was a mess of branded names. Armani, Prada, Burberry’s
etc. It was the 90s and Ah Bengs were on full bloom. Red shirt
with shiny yellow pants. Si-beh stylo! I wasn’t into that
so I got not much to say. But little did I know, that the fashion
onslaught did not stop there, it grew worse when I step myself
into art college.
This
was no nerdy engineering school from NTU. This is one of the
hardcore creative schools where VISUAL ELEMENTS get top spot
24/7. Math equations, profound theories, chemical reactivities
hold no weight in this place. You earn respect by being a master
of Typography and producing great digital artwork with no use
of ANY Photoshop filter and yes, the Lens Flare is the mark
of an amateur:) You can almost feel the fashion aggression that
awaits me. I was exposed to genres that I only read about in
magazines and what fashion fairies told me in dreams. I was
actually mesmerized by the sheer fashion creativity that was
being exhibited in full vulgar display.
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Visited
by the Fashion Fairy. She comes occassionally
and imparts her fashion wisdom. |
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I'm
not gonna elaborate on ALL of the genres that I've seen.. it would
be too long a list. I'm just gonna pick the most interesting ones;
the ones that my close pals were victims to. The fashion info
might be inaccurate and I know fashion gurus will be having their
belly laughs at this but whatever it is, I’m just gonna
break down to you what I observed.
I have a friend who is what they would
call an Indie. Money was spent on incence and beads.. alot of
beads. They are the modern day hippy. The bell-bottom came and
went but the guy refused to let it go. He was clenching it tight.
Whatever pants he have, he would deliver it to his trusted tailor
and like a cosmetic surgeon, the straight cut pants will have
its bottoms belled. Bermudas? Consider it bell bottomed. Undies?
Bell-Bottomed! He was a trend setter in school and soon everybody
started to wear bell-bottoms. Even a lecturer that taught illustration
got caught up with the Indie bug.
Oh well, I find their Indie hairstyle
cool. I can never have hair like them cause mine need to be
tamed with gel... lots of it. These guys have this unshowered
kinda hair look but they manage to pull it off really well.
Indie people are kinda laid back. So if you are hyper like the
Duracell bunny, you might not fit into this fashion genre. The
most hardcore Indie I know in school refused to ride the MRT
or buses- his mode of transport- an old skool 60s bicycle. Yup,
he even rode it to Orchard road, how's that for commitment?!
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This
guy is so laid back... he is at ease even when datelines approaches. |
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Another
friend of mine likes to listen to loud music with guitars and
vocals screaming like as if somebody stepped on his toe. I did
ask him one day on wether if he knows what the song was about
and he honestly admitted that he does not have a clue. But oh
well, whatever rocks your sampan. The term they label themselves
is what we call "Metal". And it comes in various forms
to suit every individual needs such as Black, Heavy, Death, Original
and Crispy. I can't tell a Black metal from a Death metal but
the original and crispy.. that's just finger lickin' good!
They
sport black outfits and metal studs with spikes are what makes
them stand out. The studs can range from cheap copper to imitation
steel but they're very shiny and can be quite intimidating.
I must admit they have awesome looking T-shirts. They have scary
illustration of skulls and spiders and the grim reaper. But
the T-shirts are always in black. They stay away from pink like
the plague. You can still get them in HMV or that shop at Far
East Plaza called Cheeks and/or Lips.
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The black rectangle thing he is carrying
is called a portfolio.
Bulky, expensive bag that thing is!
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was a fan of Nirvana, Pearl Jam, Silverchair and the likes. I wore
some old t shirt, messed up jeans and a pair of converse shos and
suddenly I was classified as being Grunge. I was being "grungy".
Actually I didn't feel that I was being grungy, I was more broke
than grungy. They should have a fashion lable for broke people..
Wait, actually they already do- they are called "The Poor." |
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| Goths
are my favorite because they reek this negative energy that you
can smell a mile away. Everything in life is depressing. If they
won a million dollars on the lottery, they will say something like"
Money is the root of all evil." If someone complimented them
on their good looks, they'll say "This is just an exterior
that hides the monster within." or something like that. They
are like rejected members from the Adam's Family. From black lipstick
to mascara and gothic Victorian dresses, they have an awesome wardrobe
to choose from:) I think they have a goth boutique at Plaza Singapura
if I'm not wrong. |
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I hate it when she does that. |
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That's
pretty much for the genres I saw at art school. Just when I thought
these pair of myopic eyes have seen everything, my cousin just
confessed that she was an Emo. Short for emotional. Emo is similar
to goth but more wimpy. They are equally depressed and their trademark
hairdo is rather peculiar. The hair covers half of their face
or at least one eye. Now you have a one-eyed wimpy goth haunting
at Orchard Road. Some people cannot stand Emos so much that they
have started a "Punching Emo Day"
Emo Jokes:
What do you call a dim-witted Emo? A
Slow-mo!
What do you call an Emo that wears a furry red suit? Elmo!
Hahah lame but I just gotta add that in!:D
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This campaign was held last year. I myself punched 6 Emos on that
day. Ok, I'm lying. I punched 5.. the other one Emo managed to
escape! But I got shreds of his Emo hair and clothes though:D
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| So,
what do you call a friend if he suddenly starts to construct a Transformer
costume made out of cardboard and he decides to hit the streets
even though Halloween is long gone? Insane may come across my mind
but actually he is a victim of a growing fashion movement called
Cos Play. Go google it, I'm not making this up.
Short for Costume Player,
these guys wear costumes usually derived from video games. So
if you look good in a Sailor Moon outfit, don't just keep it to
yourself. This is the time to get out of the closet and strut
your stuff. I saw a Cos Play girl at Parco Bugis Junction. I was
at the gaming arcade and she wore this Japanese school girl outfit,
complete with ribbons on her hair, long socks and white lacy uniform
skirt. I believe that was Cos Play at it's best :D
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One day, Cosplay will gain more popularity in Singapore and you'll
get to see Optimus Prime from the Transformers riding on the MRT.
You just wait. |
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Fashion
Police gives out samans,
Evil Bunny! |
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