I
had this terrible cough for quite sometime now. At first I thought
it was some harmless cough bug that would go away but unfortunately
it did not. It would come in intervals of 7 minutes (yes, I timed
it) and when I coughed, I coughed hard. I noticed people in the
MRT dared not sit beside me thinking that I got a bad case of SARS
or something. The cough was changing my hassle-free lifestyle. I
now made sure that I have a bottle of mineral water wherever I go.
Not because I was thirsty but it gave me some temporary relief.
Because
of this cough, I am now wary of places I go. I make sure to clear
my throat and cough my eyeballs out before I step into any movie
theater. I would hate it if I caused a din in-between some sex
scene or something. That would just be a mood killer.
Understanding
the cough
I’m gonna dedicate this paragraph to describe what sort
of cough I have. It’s not the dry, short, excuse-me cough.
It’s the deafening, get this phlegm out of my throat cause
its tickling me kinda cough. Yes, I have phlegm and lots of it.
My throat is like a phlegm making machine- a phlegm oasis. It’s
white in colour, thick and the unbelievably sticky. I can feel
it drips down my throat tickling me like a feather. I wish I can
unhinge my jaw and brush the whole throat with Clorox or something.
And did I mention that it was unbelievably sticky? I sprayed this
splat of phlegm, which was on the bathroom sink, but it refuse
to go and was clinging to the smooth ceramic walls for dear life
as if it was taunting me!
I
thought this cough would go away in time. I am not really a go-to-the-doctor-
whenever- I get sick kinda person. I usually like to just buy some
panadol and wait it out. Then one fine day, I coughed so bad, I
actually puked my lunch. Now I was pissed. I am a skinny guy and
that means I need all the nutrition I can get. It’s hard for
me to gain wait and now I’m puking food? Hell No!
That’s
$3 worth of Nasi Ayam going down the drain... literally.
What’s
Up Docs!
Actually, I went to 2 doctors. One doctor I went to thought that
it was caused by my tummy. Cough that leads to the tummy? Hey,
I’m not about to argue with someone who had her doctor degree
hanging on the wall. Whatever pills she prescribed, I swallowed
it all. But the cough did not stop. I went to yet another doctor
and he gave me this super powerful nasal spray. I never used a
nasal spray before. I am supposed to plug the nozzle right up
my nostril and squeeze on the pump. At the same time, I am to
inhale while chemical mist travel up my nasal cavity and perhaps
some got lodge up in my brain.
I was scared to use the nasal spray at
first..even my 5 year old cousin can’t bear to look as
I jab that plastic thing up my nose. But once I realized that
it worked great, I was pumping the nasal spray like I was pumping
air into an inflatable balloon.
Nasal
Sprays
Yes, as you can see, I have tried everything.
3
bottles of Nasal Spray
It felt great. Although I can taste this awful chemical, medicine
type of bitterness at the back of my throat, my cough was gone
temporarily and that what was important. I was still coughing
but it’s not as bad as before and whenever it got worse
I just pump some Flonase (that’s the name of the brand)
up my nose and that would settle it. However after a month of
so, the cough was starting to be immune to the nasal spray. I
was on my 3rd bottle and I kept on pumping up my nose, ears, drops
on my eyes.. wherever there was at orifice on my body, I pumped
the nasal spray in.. But nothing happened and my cough was back.
Maybe the medicine mixed itself up with my boogers and that neutralize
the effectiveness.. Oh well, whatever it is, I was back coughing.
I
was in the train and coughing, I was doing my work and coughing,
and I was sleeping and yes, I woke up coughing. On the upside,
the coughing did carve my belly a six pack. Way better than
sit ups and crunches. Just coughed your brains out and you’ll
have abs of steel!
Feel those abs!
I
met a close friend of mine and he said that he starting to get
used to me coughing in-between mid sentence. Phlegm would spew
on his face and he would just wipe it, while still engrossed in
our conversation. And I don’t like that.. cause that means
this cough is becoming me. As in I, the Evil Bunny, now comes
with a cough. I will be known as the coughing guy. If they made
an action figure on me, the toy would have this coughing sound
action. That sucked.
Cough
Syrup Tester
I had enough of doctors so when I was out with my sister at Raffles
City, I went to a pharmacy and like an alcoholic in a bar, I asked
for the strongest stuff they got. The pharmacist took one hard
look at me and gave the finest cough syrup she had. 1965 Benadryl;
aged to perfection. When I got home, I poured some Benadryl on
some wineglasses and I was awe beyond belief. The syrup was aromatic
and it flowed in the glass like as if it was dancing. The taste
was earthy, full-bodied and mature. Definitely the best breed
of cough syrup I tasted in years… but it came with one major
setback. It made me so drowsy I was crawling to bed in an instant.
Every time I took a sip of Benadryl, it was bedtime for me.. even
though it’s 1pm in the afternoon.
Now
writing an article when you are high with Benadryl is no fun
at all. I can’t construct sentences and thinking funny
was tough. I was on the train once when I was drunk with the
cough syrup that I thought I saw the MRT seats inching towards
me. I blinked a couple of times and ran for my life once I reached
my stop. Now that was one weird train ride.
Oh
well, to cut the story short and not beat around the phelgmy bush.
I went to the doctor again 3 days ago and like somekind of wizard
from Harry Porter, he waved his magic wand and made me drink this
toady concoction, screamed Hocus Pocus and now my cough is gone.
(Actually he gave me some pills and told me to get an X Ray from
the polyclinic.) I am typing this now and it’s already been
18 minutes and I have been cough free :D
